For the last few months, I have been reflecting over the words of Henri J.M. Nouwen. Maybe without realizing it, his words have backed the script of what was to be my experience in Peru. Before leaving almost two years ago, I was gifted one of his books from a dear friend. It was my first venture into his writing, and appropriately enough the book was his published journals from his time in Boivia and Peru. Feeling the geographical closeness of his writing-his ministry site in Lima was a mere 10 minute combi ride from Ciudad de los Niños-I soon gave way to the spiritual life that he brilliantly illustrated in his books. I found great solace in his The Return of the Prodigal Son, appreciating his detailed portraits of the elder son, the younger son, and the father, and connecting them to my life at Ciudad. I read that book when the realities of my ministry were finally taking their toll. I was tired, and it seemed like everything was an enormous task. Reading about how we need to remember to place God at the center of our lives, ministry, etc... made me jump for joy because these reflections seemed to pinpoint exactly what was occurring in my life.
Being so influenced by his work during my time in Peru, it was only appropriate to find his words as pertinent now as I continue along with the transition from Peru to los Estados Unidos. During a morning reflection I came upon these words:
"Every time you close another door-be it the door of immediate satisfaction, the door of distracting entertainment, the door of busyness, the door of guilt and worry, or the door of self-rejection-you commit yourself to go deeper into your heart and thus deeper into the heart of God.
"This is a movement toward full incarnation. It leads you to become what you already are-a child of God; it lets you embody more and more the truth of your being; it makes you claim the God within you."
Transition is difficult, and one of the more difficult parts of it has been leaving behind so many people and realities that have made a place in my heart. I miss the wonderful and supportive communities I had-be it my Cap Corps community, the community amongst the other volunteers, or the community that extended outside of the walls of Ciudad de los Niños; I miss the boys I worked with; I miss the tutors and staff at Ciudad; I miss being in a place that was filled with a beautiful spirit. In the past, I have tended to make my life busy so I wouldn't have to dwell on the pain of leaving people. It didn't work. Instead of being free of the pains of transition I was left with unprocessed thoughts and a lot on my plate. A lovely combination!
As we grow older we become wiser-or we just realize how silly we were in the past. Regardless, this time around I have tried to embrace the transition instead of running from it. Painful as it is sometimes, closing these doors that can (and have!) easily distract me has led me to want to come closer to finding God within myself, reflect on where God was during my time in Peru, and listen to where God is calling me.
I am appreciating the slower pace of this move. As resistant to it as I have continued to be, I have found peace in stopping and allowing myself to feel the emotions that have been passing through me. I have appreciated being able to spend time with family and friends and to take the time to find places to share in Chicago. It is still a very awkward transition, and at times it feels off, but embracing this time instead of pushing it behind distractions has lead me to discover places of peace.
paz, bien, y amor.
Michael Melaniphy
